Flaking out is terrible, no doubt about it. Not only for the flakee, but for the flaker as well, at least for their rep. So how come such a stunt could be a “favorite”?
OK, let’s face it, sometimes we all tend to show our weakness and reserve to the low things. Yet if you put it into perspective, a flake out can be a good thing: it breaks an unhealthy development rather flatly, leaving no room for ill hesitation and paving the road to new openings.
So why not relax and enjoy the moment? (I mean, enjoy being on the receiving side. Enjoying active flaking out is mauvais ton, sure as a gun.)
Just imagine that your flaker might be in one of these situations, and have pity for them:
(Note: the “reasons” are listed from minor to more concerning ones, as per Genevieve, innerconfidence.com contributor’s classification, but the list is filtered and edited to my liking.)
5. A Pre-Emptive Flake
This actually was suggested by Holden Desalles from Thought Catalog as a countermeasure against Flake-Outs.
As I was reading about that as a countermeasure I caught myself thinking that I was doing this a number of times and I thought, why a girl cannot do it as well?
Frankly, girls are flaked on much more rarely, so it would take a girl some guts and smarts to do a pre-emptive flake, but there are some really smart girls out there, for sure.
4. I didn’t like you from the beginning and I never had the guts to tell you
(This one is by Genevieve of innerconfidence)
Otherwise known as “buyer’s remorse.” Why did I agree to the date in the first place? Great question! Who knows. Maybe you made me nervous at the time, and I didn’t want to create an awkward situation by rejecting your offer. Whatever the case, every now and again, I lose enthusiasm for what seemed like a good idea at the time… and when the time comes to actually go on the date, I for some reason create an excuse to flake.
Remember, if you really want something, you’ll find a way – but if you don’t, you’ll find an excuse.
This is it. People are weak. Many cannot say the difficult truth and need to reserve to a sort of euphemism.
3. She was just a tease
(This one is by Genevieve)
Some women intentionally go out and give guys their numbers because they WANT guys they never plan to sleep with chasing them around. Some of the reasons these manipulative women engage in this “teasing” behavior is because it gives them wanted attention, an ego boost by impressing other women, and assurance that they could in fact have certain men if they wanted.
You can think of these type of girls as: ice queens who will usually suck you dry for whatever it is you can offer them.
2. You were a backup to begin with
(This one is by Genevieve too) I tend to do this with guys who are generally nice, cool or “okay” guys who I like enough to keep around and/or people I like to have in my social arsenal. But, these are guys who I won’t ever take seriously or pursue myself.
– These are guys that bring *something* to the table but tend to bore me in person.
– These guys come in really handy for me, but this situation totally sucks for you.
– We call these guys “orbiters,” stuck in satellite forever – YEARS – believing that one day… maybe just one day, they’ll catch me at an off moment and score with me. Well, don’t hold your breath, guys. I personally have never hooked up with any of my 7 or 8 orbiters.
– I’m just not that into you, in these circumstances.
1. I’m your drug dealer
I’m not actually a drug dealer. But if I was, I’d be way flaky, because being a drug dealer means you meet your customers 25% of the time you plan to meet them, and you’re at least an hour late, every time. (This one’s by Holden Desalles from Thought Catalog.)
(Now a little comment by the STEREO editor)
This #1 is by far my most favorite, because it highlights a profound basis for flakes.
Just think about it. Why a person can perform a flake out in the first place? Because she or he has the power to do it. A flake out is largely a powerful act.
Of course, it involves trading a lot in terms of reputation to perform the stunt, but the reputation alone is not enough. Loss of reputation in the eyes of your victim can’t help much.
In addition, you need to have influence on that person. You need your victim to depend on you in one way or another.
If your “flakee” is independent of you, the flake out will likely not have the intended effect. And you will probably feel it beforehand and not have the incentive for a flake out to begin with.